RIP Marvin

I came home to my apartment two nights ago to find the dreaded sight of one of those large black cockroaches (you know, the ones we call "waterbugs" to make ourselves feel better - but are really just huge cockraoches) resting in the middle of the floor of my kitchen. This happens every so often and every time it does I let out a little girly scream, I curse, sometimes I cry, and then I swear to move as soon as possible. Obviously, I never do.

Anyway, this one was big and scary. I swear he had a gun. But I was resolved to kill him, so I ran into the other room to grab my favorite roach-squashing boot. But when I got back to the kitchen he had disappeared. This caused me major stress, since they tend to get tired of hiding after a bit and then bum-rush you in a sad little suicidial act. Despite the fact that I know that THEY will die during this act, and I will not, it still causes me to go into a panic and run around the room screaming when it happens. So I already know what I have to look forward to later on today.

I head into the living room to catch some terrible 90210 rerun action (the Claire years are so disastrous). About 10 minutes in I get the sneaking suspicion that Marvin (it's sad when you name your cockroaches) has headed back out onto the floor of the kitchen. I run into the kitchen to discover that I do indeed have cockroach telepathy. He's there - waiting. But he's smarter than you're average cockroach. He waits until I get really close and then dashes under the stove! I scream at him, "I'll get you motherf***er. You are my white whale!!"

I checked throughout the evening, but Marvin seemed resolved to stay out of sight. I decided to leave the hallway light on last night while I slept...just in case.

Flash forward to last night. I come home for work and Marvin is out again!! I run straight for him (I left the boot in the middle of the kitchen for just such an occasion) and he disappeared under the radiator. Now I know he's just toying with me. I continue to check throughout the night, but Marvin is not your average cockroach - he stayed out of sight...

Until that fateful moment. I went into the kitchen to get some water right before bed. And Marvin appeared before me, too far from anywhere safe for him to run to. So I reached over, grabbed my boot and brought it down hard and I kid you not, HE WAS NOT SQUASHED! To be honest, I think he was as surprised as I was, and he started to run. But then I brought the boot down again and it was over. It had been a long battle and we both fought valiantly, but in the end, I won out. And to be truthful...I felt a little sad when it was over. I felt guilty. Sigh. RIP Marvin.